Jack is 16

 

Jack is 15

 Happy 15th Birthday, my Jack. You’ve grown to new heights this year. I hug you and barely reach your heart as you tower over me. It’s odd to see you this way, my small one, but to now be small next to you, and to be hugged by your large frame. I wonder daily if I will ever adjust? You seemingly walked out of the kitchen as a young boy one night after a late night snack, then back in as a young man, to devour your next meal. I’ve watched your always creative, captivating, kind, cautious, beautiful soul, align itself to the world around you in awe-inspiring ways this year. You’ve always carried maturity beyond your years. I see now how you’re using this power to draw in your passions and interests to bring you joy, and eloquently avoid being pulled in where you don’t want or need to be. You will stay this course, no doubt, and the world will continue to open its arms for your heart, creative genius and ambition. I will be here, awestruck, at your pure awesomeness and will power. You’ve remained my companion in deep conversation, and you care for my heart in unearthly ways as you always have since the day you arrived. I am filled with gratitude for this gift. It is written now for me as a mother, straight from the gaze of my first born son, that my children will indeed not stay forever young. But you’ve shown me the ways a mother is needed change slowly, and then seemingly all at once. I’ll always be here adjusting my sails. Keep soaring and exploring, Jack, as the humble, brilliant, hilarious, loving and kind person you were born to be, and that the world needs. In this #OneBeautifulLife, you keep leading the way, for me as a Mom, for your siblings and family, for all of us. Happy birthday my baby boy. I love you, whole heart. -Mom

Jack is 14

 April 6th, the day I became a Mom, and the day Jack Mason arrived in the world and stole my heart. From the moment I meant him, 14 years ago, he's captivated me, challenged me to be better, and forged the way of the first born on my Mama heart.

Each year, I don't think it's possible for him to become more amazing, but he does. He is the hardest worker I'll ever know. He digs deep on the things he loves, is resilient, strong, my study companion and constant conversationalist.

As he turns 14, he's mature far beyond his years, brilliant to a degree I'm not sure I can fully comprehend, and I enjoy his company more than I'll ever find words for. He runs an intense schedule, always prepared for the day ahead, always up for the challenge, and so damn responsible. He's hilarious, determined, joyful, a keen observer of the world, giving, loving, phenomenal.

I am beaming with joy for the young man he is becoming, and that he navigates this world with kindness above all, for everyone in his life, and is learning the power he holds in his core day by day. Thank you universe, for blessing me with my Jack.

I wrote this on his 10th birthday. Nailed it.... "The beautiful journey he has brought me on as a Mother will never be truly defined. It will continue to grow and take my breath away. All I can do is hope that he understands the depth of my love, how incredibly proud and awe stricken I am of his grace and kindness towards others; that he takes our deep conversations with him in his heart and continues to bear his soul to me when he needs me. Jack’s big blue eyes sparkle, and tell you everything you need to know about how he is feeling in an instant. I look at him and see the eyes of my child staring back and they ground me. At times I see the baby he once was, and other times, the man he will grow to be. We march with the beat of time, mother and son, and I’ll turn to him as he spreads his wings to soar, look in those blue eyes, and know how to be the best Mom through decade two. Jack will teach me this. "

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Jack is 13

 I know it was Just yesterday you showed me the power of a Mother’s love, my first born son. I know it was Just yesterday I held your chubby little hand in mine, and read you and rocked you to sleep for endless hours. Yet, Just yesterday you walked into the room with your tall frame, full smile, quick wit, and I caught my breath. A young man stood before me, just where my little boy had been. Some days I cry because my heart is so full that the overflow has to go somewhere. Today was one of those some days. Happy 13th birthday, my Jack, my son with a kind heart of gold. Keep leading the way. I’ll be right here, always as your biggest fan.

Jack is 12

 Happy 12th birthday, Jack. You have captivated me since the first moment I saw you. My first born trailblazer, creative genius, dedicated with your whole heart, to anything you choose to do. Your kindness and consideration far beyond your years, your gratefulness always shining in your eyes. I am always in awe of you, and always will be. How beautiful life is, for all of us who know you, with you in the world. I love you, whole heart

Jack is 11

 Happy 11th birthday, amazing Jack. It was a day full of baseball and basketball, just as you like it, and you were a rock star in both, as always. Your gift of remaining humble, thoughtful, ambitious, spectacular and brilliantly kind hearted, to Everyone and in Everything continues to leave us speechless

Keep forging the way as first born, as only you can, showing us all how to love whole heartedly and be ALL IN in everything we do. Always in awe of you my sweet boy 11 years since you doubled my heart and showed me the power of unconditional motherly love.

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Jack is 9

 My sweet Jack...9 years old today, although his soul is much older and wiser. His intellect, inquisitiveness, kindness and humor continue to amaze us, and all who know him. He gives his heart to everything he takes on, baseball, school, friendship, he is always all in. Keep shining my love, my first born, my heart beat. May you always know how loved you are, and how much you continue to teach me, about childhood, motherhood and the deepest love. I Love you, whole heart! (The picture of Jacks "cookie" candle singing below sum up the chaos in our house right now...haha..Mark is shirtless as Leo spit up on him as we were getting ready to sing. Cupcakes went to school, but cookies had to do tonight. Leo is entranced with the candle and Vincent is convinced he's the funniest thing ever. Jack smiles through it all. Beautiful, sweet chaos and blessings

Jack is 8

8. My Jack. Brilliant. Sensitive. Old soul. Wears his heart on his sleeve. Is all in with all he does. Adored friend by all he knows. Loves a challenge. Came into the world in struggle, not wanting to leave, but wanting to see what lay ahead. So fitting to his personality still, as he hesitates and then jumps all in with curiosity and intensity. A Mommy's boy who holds my heart. He couldn't be more beautiful inside and out. And I couldn't be luckier to be his Mommy. Happy 8th Birthday my dear son. Keep shining, keep exploring, and keep those blue eyes looking back every once and awhile as you continue to forge ahead in making your impact on the world. I love you, whole heart.

Jack is 7

 Brave, truthful, unselfish, inquisitive, bright and joyful...My 7 year old Jack...what an honor to be your Mommy and watch you grow and captivate those that know you with your kind heart and brilliant mind. Happy birthday sweet boy. Thanking the heavens tonight, as I do each night, for the blessing of my first born miracle.

Jack is 17

 Dear Jack,

You’re 17 today. I’m sure it wears on you, the retelling of your birth story, the one that led me to the truest love I’d ever known.  You stayed close to my heart from the moment you found me and resisted leaving me with more rigor than my young body was ready to sustain.  In hindsight, I think you were learning me well, taking your time, knowing perhaps that you’d be one of the greatest teachers of my life.  Somehow your childhood has prepared you to be wiser than me, as if every word I’ve ever preached or muttered, every laugh, every cry has stayed on your soul and molded you. In your last year of ‘childhood’ I reflect on how our companionship has grown, always an extraordinary gift, with our shared secret language.

As a small child we’d read endlessly and talk until exhaustion.

You’d beg for me to stay a little longer. 

Your busy, genius mind, always contemplating & questioning. 

You hated my leaving. 

I rocked you endlessly until you outgrew the rocker.  I held your hand, played trains, watched you learn to swim in one week, nursed every injury and ailment, cheered at every sport you ever tried, read every word of homework, did math with you until you out schooled me, was front row for every new joke and savored every hug from your tiny frame.  In this #OneBeautifulLife the years pile on and blend into a symphony, and in motherhood the symphony is filled with love, milestones and spaces in between that make both the child and the mother the people they are meant to be.

Now, I look forward to our late night kitchen conversations and am honored that you trust me to share all of the darkness and light that goes on in your busy, genius mind, still always contemplating. You are independent, humble, kind, an adventurer and brilliant.  Sitting in the guidance office this week, planning your senior year, your tall handsome frame, warm demeanor, your manners and kindness, your gentleness, simply stole my breath.  I have no words to properly describe how proud I am of you, my first born son or how much pride I feel when I watch you navigate the world.  Your siblings all look up to you as a source of calm and love.  They will follow your lead and always see you as a constant source of strength. Your deep perspective, insane creativity and genius, the lens through which you see other people and navigate uncertainty, all far beyond most realms.

This week you looked at me in the kitchen, me not at my best and reminded me to stop ruminating.  “The past doesn’t exist anymore, so stop dwelling on it,” you said.  You reminded me to stop worrying about the future and to keep the voices of my conscience positive, to stop making up things that aren’t real as a source of worry.  My student has now become my teacher.

And it is in this last year of your childhood journey that I meet you as your Mom on the bridge from childhood to adulthood.  I’ll simply walk by your side from here on out.  I’m learning right along with you and you see this now.  You’ll leave me.  But, you’ll always come home. 

Simply stay true to who you are, endure every struggle with the counsel of your values and core, lead with your stunning ability to love and remember I am always your biggest fan everywhere you wander and in all you do.

I’ll always talk until exhaustion.

I’ll always beg you to stay a little longer. 

Your busy, genius mind, always contemplating, has and will always grow mine too.

I’ll always hate you leaving, but will cheer you on as you do.

I’ll always be home, waiting for you. 

Happy 17th birthday my exquisite son.   Walk the bridge with grace and love.  I'm right here by your side., always.

I love you, whole heart,

Mom