I Took My Time with This Moment

 I will remember this moment.  I savored it. I took my time with it.

I read yesterday a poem that drew an analogy between raising children and opening and closing doors. It’s stayed with me deeply, on my admittedly tired and weary heart, born from burning a candle at both ends these past months. And the guilt of sitting with that. 

Here in this moment tonight a door closed and one has opened. It was a space in the middle.  Jack and Vincent at their respective soccer practices, doors ahead of my two littles. Gaps in age between the kids revealing how fleeting it is, how soon they open wings, how busy their lives become. Gaps in time reminding me to take the deep breath with my babies before they walk through the doors ahead.  

I told Leo and Addy that sitting at the counter for casual conversation is my favorite. I begged them to stay awhile and they did. I told them I was taking a few photos so I’d bottle the memory forever. They loved that. 

The poem said , “sometimes raising our children feels like a long hallway of doors.

One and then another and another and on – stretching out farther than we can see.

A vast corridor of firsts and lasts and all the spaces in the middle. 

Between each door exists a season, a stage, sometimes simply a fleeting moment.

But then again and again, their hand reaches forward, clutches the knob, and opens the door welcoming in a new milestone, a new chapter… and in doing so, the door behind them gently falls closed.”

And so, I paused on this weary day. I enjoyed their beautiful joy, while my soul ached as the time thief stared on. 

I noticed. I paused. I was acutely aware this door would close. I took the decision to hold the moment on my heart and through this lense. Before they grab the knob to the next open door. 

I simply made the decision that I wanted to remember this space tonight between doors. And I will. #OneBeautifulLife